Muppet Mania in America

I awoke this morning with a general sense of gleeful inactivity. I was gleeful because I knew it was Labor Day, the first Monday of September, and the most applicable day to avoid work all year. I could sleep in, lounge around, write a story, paint a picture, or simply think thoughts of happiness and tranquility. I could do many peaceful things that disregard work of any kind because my country, my beloved country, has declared today Labor Day; a day off for working citizens. Thanks America! You really know how to make me smile.




As all these thoughts were colliding in that big, beautiful, slightly askew, bald head of mine, I heard the faint and fairly audible laughter of an innocent adorable little girl which, ever so slightly, grew louder and louder until the noise coming from Haegan's room sounded like a fright train steaming past a F-5 tornado spinning off of Hurricane Earl somewhere near the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Scratching my head, I flopped onto the hardwood floor with the enthusiasm of the Democratic Party heading to the polls come November. Alas, I was on the clock and my gleeful scenarios were thwarted by a toddler who was up and at em before the sun erased all evidence of the falling moon.  Oh well, work would not be denied...on Labor Day…so Hi Ho, Hi Ho…you know the drill.




I used my first moments of Labor Day to think about all the national Holidays we celebrate in America. I call them national holidays because there are only six national holidays the private sector observes as a whole. They are New Years Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas respectively. These are the paid holidays I receive and I have learned to anticipate all six of them accordingly. Holidays are certainly welcomed additions to the calendar of life and lynch pins for increased retail sales nationwide. My lone question is simply this, why can’t we have one more national holiday in which to celebrate? One more holiday to let our hair down, grab our best gal, and “sash shay” down to the ole town square for a peppermint martini somewhat salted, a plate of smoked sausage doused with lemon juice, a large serving of macaroni and cheese, and a big, decorated sugar cookie with home-made yellow icing. You dig?




Currently, the average American worker is expected to work 50 weeks per year, five days per week (considering their employer gives them a minimum of two weeks of vacation). Doing the math, this worker logs 244 working days each year (250 less six national holidays) with a holiday rate of roughly one per every 41 days worked. That seems a little excessive. One more holiday would drop that number to one per every 35 days worked. (There now, that number seems a little more humane and attainable for everyone involved). One more national holiday would make a wonderful mid-term campaign promise and could possibly pick up a few independent voters who still have no idea what they stand for or why they plan to vote. It really is a win-win scenario. On one hand we get another holiday to celebrate and on the other, we give purpose to empty-headed political neophytes bent on grasping an issue, any issue, to bolster their independent status and contribution to the polls. So what shall we call this new national holiday?




Any holiday we create must be comprised of four essential parts. Part one is simple; it must be a day off from work. Parts two through four are as follows:

2. There must be a certain retail upside to the holiday.
3. There must be a parade televised nationally to highlight the Poughkeepsie High School Band’s rendition of Paul Whiteman’s Washboard Blues thus preempting a repeat of the Maury Povich Show.
4. There must be a sporting event of some kind linked to the holiday, i.e. Nathan’s hotdog eating contest held each July 4th in New York City.

Keeping in mind the four essential holiday parts necessary for the creation of a successful holiday, I purpose the following for your consideration:



Muppet Day
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Muppett Day)
Jump to: navigation, search
This article is about the holiday of Muppet Day in the United States. For other annual Muppet observances, see Muppette Day. For observances in Canada, see Muppett “A” Day.
Muppet Day is a United States national holiday observed on the first Tuesday in March. The holiday originated in 2008 as the Central Muppet Union (of New York City) sought to create "a day off for all Muppet friendly citizens".


Congress made Muppett Day a national holiday on February 3, 2012[1] two months after the Muppet Day Riots of 2011. All fifty states have made Muppet Day a state holiday.
Traditionally, Muppet Day is celebrated by most Americans as the symbolic end of the winter.
Muppet day fits the aforementioned criteria of a new holiday because:
1. All employees are off work.
2. Retail sales of muppet merchandise will triple current 1st quarter numbers and rival Christmas for the number one spot overall.
3. An Albuquerque, NM parade will be held where the Poughkeepsie High School Band can perform Paul Whiteman’s Washboard Blues for all 30 onlookers.
4. An annual seeded tournament of blindfolded cornhole will answer the question, once and for all, of who is the nations best blindfolded cornhole player.



How’s that for a national holiday America? It has all the fun, excitement, time off work, and muppets one could possibly image. All we need now is a commander-in-chief who will make it so, regardless of what the American public desires. Let the president represent us all, shouting from the rooftops, “Muppet Day will be celebrated whether you like it or not.” By the way, those who fail to observe the holiday will pay a hefty fine, businesses too!

Chant with me now…Mup-pet Day! Mup-pet Day! Mup-pet Day! Mup-pet Day!!! Just a thought.