A Dream Within a Dream

The sun lowered ever so slightly over Charleston Harbor as day yielded to night. The passion of the early spring sunset was nothing compared to the beauty of my bride, yet, side by side, my heart stood still as the sun slipped ever so slightly beneath the horizon.  Sitting adjacent to Charleston Battery, my glance fixated on a beautiful pink house facing East Bay Street. While enchantment eased into the moist March air, I fell into a daydream. It was a daydream befitting the fanciful surroundings that had made Charleston the belle of the South since its founding. As my eyes drew heavy...suddenly...

The Dream

I found myself strolling along the streets of 1820’s Charleston. Directly above, a beauty beckoned me with an enticing wave from the third floor balcony of an eighteenth century mansion. I tipped my hat and swung my cane full circle, stopping to address such a marvel to the human eye.



Within the Dream

Our first encounter was chance and occurred at the home of Charles Edmonston, a wealthy Charleston merchant. I had only been in town a short week when, through a mutual friend, I was introduced to him. As it was, Charles was having a dinner party the following Friday evening and asked for my presence so that he may introduce me to other merchants and tradesmen. I was obliged to attend.



Walking into Charles’s home, I knew immediately he was a man of prominence. As I checked my overcoat at the door, I entered a world previously unknown to me. A scholar from the north, I was comfortable with the traditions of the wealthy, however, the charms of the south were not yet in my mastery. Easing into the comfort of a fine brandy, I sipped sparingly while taking in the beautiful sights and sounds from all those in attendance. A stroll on the third floor balcony to clear my head granted me the exclusive opportunity to speak with a maiden only the heavens could craft.



She dressed elegantly in a satin gown trimmed in lace. Her sun-kissed locks of golden hair hugged her alabaster skin and framed her silhouette, which danced in the southern moonlight. My glance was immediate and intense. She felt my eyes scour her being and, with some timidity, returned my favor. Our souls were speaking with obsession and yet our lips remained still. The tranquility was broken with the faint sound of a crossing wind ruffling the leaves of a Palmetto nearby. My heart racing, I introduced myself to the most relevant woman I had ever known. She responded in like fashion and offered her delicate hand for my attention. Lowering my lips in service, I was overwhelmed with her aroma and aroused by her softness. All that separated us now was the beam fashioned by the moon overhead.

Knowing the night was near end, for her carriage awaited, I successfully arranged another encounter the following evening at the plantation of the second Henry Middleton, a friend of my father’s and my most gracious host while I was in Charleston. My love's agreement was hesitant but as she departed she whispered her approval. I had the next day to arrange our engagement and I began immediately.



Traveling the grounds of Middleton Place, I was astounded by the floral presentations and richness of color. The early spring hues resonated with seasonal precision and earthly perfection. I settled on a clearing surrounded by fragrant daffodils, azaleas, tea olives, and roses. Inside the clearing, I laid a woolen blanket next to a pallid statue of a partially covered young woman. Minister Middleton’s attendants prepared a feast while I sat in seclusion painfully preparing a poem of expression. My toiling resulted in the creation of a dark love sonnet that I planned to deliver while we dined under the moon.



My love arrived by carriage at exactly half past six in the evening. Her driver escorted her to my arm and retired to a nearby carriage house to chaperone. Hand in hand, I presented the glorious gardens of Middleton Place to the object of my affection. Sitting in stillness, a swan gracefully swam past and attended to her young. She was resilient in yellow silk. Her cobalt eyes contrasted perfectly with a purple rose just over her shoulder. Our dinner was expertly prepared and we enjoyed each course as once again day yielded to night. I took the hand of my newly beloved and led her to the carriage house making sure we traveled the long road. As I recited my love sonnet, my companion remained quiet and uttered not one word.  We simply sat in silence admist God's glorious creations.



As my lady’s chariot waited, I bid farewell with a tender kiss on her right cheek. Upon departure, I felt empty solitude known only within the depths of true love. Retiring to my slumber, I knew my heart had found its home, lost deep within the Carolina pines so far from any land I had ever known.



The Dream

Removing my hat for a gentle bow, my love called down from our third floor balcony with a late-afternoon lemonade proposal no self-respecting reformed northerner could refuse. As my wife handed me a glass, we toasted the beauty of the crimson sunset slowly enveloping Charleston Harbor. My eyes closed with my bride’s head resting slightly on my shoulder.



…waking suddenly, I found the sun just beginning to set over Charleston Harbor. Fort Sumter glimmered in the haze while the rhythmic cadence of a horse-drawn carriage could be heard ever so faintly in the background. 

The salty sea air quickly reminded me of the present, yet the setting remained as timeless as the swaying of the palms. In the words of Edgar Allen Poe, “All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream.”

My Fellow Americans

In college I majored in Integrated Strategic Communication (a fancy name for advertising) with a focus on marketing and political science. My life goal at the time was to take over the world by mastering the art of subliminal messages in political ads run during each election cycle. Instead of having messages approved by political parties, I figured a subliminal message at the end of each smear campaign commercial would convey the proper political message of the candidate in question. Consider the following two campaign ads:

Actual John McCain Ad

JOHN MCCAIN: Senator Obama, this is truly a good day for America.

Too often the achievements of our opponents go unnoticed. So I wanted to stop and say, congratulations.
How perfect that your nomination would come on this historic day. Tomorrow, we'll be back at it. But tonight Senator, job well done.

I'm John McCain and I approved this message.



Subliminal message I would hide in the ad would read as follows:

Since the Democratic Party had to nominate someone for president, I guess I’m fine with it being you, Mr. Obama. I can beat you much easier than I could have beaten Hillary so cheers to you and cheers to this great country of ours, the one I plan to rule in the next few months.

Actual Barrack Obama Ad

BO at town hall: We are a beacon of light around the world. At least that’s what we can be again. That’s what we should be again. BO in interview: The single most important national security threat that we face… BO VO:…is nuclear weapons falling into the hands of terrorists. BO VO: What I did was reach out to Senator Dick Lugar, a Republican, to help lock down loose nuclear weapons. BO in interview: We have to lead the entire world to reduce that threat. BO at town hall: We can restore America’s leadership in the world. BO VO: I’m Barack Obama, and I approve this message.





Subliminal Message I would hide in the ad would read as follows:

I’m hard on terrorism, you wait and see. I can be that guy or any guy you want me to be. I’ll tell you what. You tell me what you want me to be and I will be that. Strong on the economy, that’s me. Homeland security, me again. Strong on social matters, ahem (pointing at himself)…me me me. I’m everything to everyone. I can be you and you can be me…and we three can be…just wait and see.

Regardless of political party, I could sell my subliminal messages to the highest bidder and retire early with a fistful of private financing from a litany of politicians who would rather hide their actual beliefs than reveal them in public forum. Such is politics I guess but absent a total ban on subliminal messages, I feel this would be a wonderful venue for further research. Will someone pass the popcorn.





Subliminal Messages

While I look into the subliminal message ad agency venture, I thought I might offer my speech for president as an outline for what we should expect of our candidates running for the highest office in the land. This is not a speech of mass appeal but one of my values and what I would offer if elected president of this great land. It is meant to convey understanding, not confusion so as you read it, I hope you notice the small “gaping” differences.

Grant’s Abbreviated Speech for President

My fellow Americans, I am standing before you today amazed that I have made it this far in my campaign for president of The United States of America. I’m certain you are as well. Whew!!! (wiping my brow). My thoughts take me to George Washington and Abraham Lincoln and I wonder if they too were as amazed by their public prowess and general popularity as I am today. I am one election away from victory and I will make you this pledge; I will be honest with you in what I intend to do should you elect me president. Seriously! My policies are as follows:

Energy Policy

The number one issue in the United States today is how to eliminate our demand for foreign oil while providing our people with energy means for transportation, home heating, and other general necessities. Should I become president, I will employ the Pickens Plan, a plan to eliminate our addiction to foreign oil by drilling offshore, creating wind farms, harnessing solar and tidal energy, utilizing CNP, LP, and other natural gas alternatives. I will invest in ethanol technologies and employ as many scientists as necessary to identify the next logical solution to the oil crises we all face. My goal is to give the American people their security back whether through wind farms or corn fields while concurrently telling the Middle East to learn Chinese (Foreign policy).

We will do whatever it takes to lower energy prices at home through the acquisition of new technologies. This, in turn, will lower commodity prices across the entire economic landscape in this county. I am not concerned with global warming, however, so carbon emissions will not factor into the energy equation. If you want global warming policy, vote for my opponent. If you want affordable energy, vote for me.
The Pickens Energy Plan

Healthcare Policy

The United States healthcare system is the best in the world. I do not subscribe to universal healthcare because I believe that under our current system, those who aspire to have healthcare have it and those who don’t, don’t. Private healthcare creates an environment of excellence in the field that would degrade under a universal plan of healthcare bent on providing private health benefits to every man woman and child in this country. Those who want healthcare will make its acquisition a reality while those who don’t will be left reaping the rewards of their ill-thought out decision. Those who have welfare, however, will receive healthcare through my social welfare plan. I call my plan Empowerment Healthcare while my opponent’s plan should be aptly named Entitlement Healthcare.

Social Welfare Policy

As a nation, we have a responsibility to take care of the less fortunate. As a prosperous nation, however, we should demand accountability in our welfare policy and eliminate unnecessary provisions dealt to idle citizens of this country. My welfare policy will amend the current sit-at-home welfare philosophy with a back to work mentality. Effective immediately with a Frame presidency, anyone on any type of welfare will be assigned a governmental job. The job assignment will be both fitting in duties and responsibilities and pay will be in the form of a paycheck. If the United States has to pay for your food and housing, you are essentially in the employment of the United States and will perform said duties just as if you were in the private sector. For example, we will no longer hire outside contractors to perform duties that we can self perform with our current manpower force of welfare recipients. If you have children, you will be assigned to a welfare daycare (someone also on welfare) to care for you children while you go to work. All welfare recipients will receive the same healthcare as all governmental employees receive. Your incentive to get off welfare is the freedom to perform a job of your choosing, but make no mistake, you will have a job if you are on welfare.

Abortion Policy

I will do everything in my power to overturn Roe V. Wade by appointing Supreme Court justices who have similar philosophies. I subscribe to a policy of protecting innocent life at all costs and I believe unequivocally that life begins at conception.

Immigration Policy

Our nation is great because of immigrants. Let’s be honest, without immigrants, the U.S. would not be the melting pot of ideas and prosperity that it is today. As a nation, however, we need succinct policy to end the steady stream of illegal Mexican nationals into America. Why? Because they are not Americans and quite frankly, we don’t have the resources to support them. I support immigration through legal means, I do not support illegal immigration.

Foreign Policy including Iraq

If we didn’t have a duty to serve as the world’s policeman, I might be inclined to adopt a policy of seclusion. Since that is impossible, let’s finish our business in Iraq and come home. At this point, does it matter why we are there and for what reasons. As commander and chief, I will assume my predecessor had honest intentions when he overthrew a tyrannical ruler and ended a reign or terror. If we are there for oil, my energy plan will eliminate our need for it, if we are there for peace keeping, Iraq’s Army should make way for our departure, and if we are there for weapons of mass destruction, I am certain we can find some in Pakistan, Iran, and North Korea. But make no mistake, our military is in the business of protecting our homeland and our interests abroad and under my command we will continue in that fashion.

Global Warming Policy

When a scientist can prove conclusively that global warming is the byproduct of carbon emissions and not cyclical climate change I will adopt a policy to eliminate global warming through carbon emissions. It is my hope, however, that through our energy research, we find a clean energy. Even though I do not support global warming hysterics, I do support clean energy alternatives because they are environmentally friendly and will end our foreign oil dependence.

These are just a few of my policies. If you like what I have laid forth, I would appreciate your vote. If, after reviewing my policies, you feel you cannot vote for me, I understand. Regardless of perspective, you know where I stand and what I believe. (Speech ends, back to reality)

Wouldn’t that be great America? A politician who told you how he / she felt about real issues facing us all. Regardless of political persuasion, I would love to get an answer to a question without spin, a policy debate without side steps, and politicians with real words and real ideas whether I agree with them or not. Tell me what you’re going to do and let me decide if I want to vote for you. Anything but the current environment of negative ads intended to confuse all the issues for the sole purpose of obtaining the presidency.

Maybe my subliminal message ad agency will work after all. Here’s hoping it will. Just a thought.

September's Seasonal Shift

A quick glance at my desk calendar reveals two incontrovertible facts; (1) the month of August is still visible through the countless papers lined up on my desk like an organized disaster of priority awaiting completion and (2) the summer twilight is creeping closer and closer to an end. Some would be sad at this moment; the moment of summer’s grand finale and prelude to autumn’s whimsical kiss. I am not one on them. Conversely, I am passionate in regards to the returning seasonal shift and growing more and more introspective as days pass.




I am invigorated with images of temporarily suspended leaves and burning fragrances of yesterday’s blooms. I smile as farmers pass with their harvests uniquely stacked on wooden wagons swaying gingerly as they travel the back roads to market. I live for these days and burst with energy as I fast-forward through the heat and humidity of summer and prematurely welcome my beloved autumn in all her glory.




The air is cooler today enveloping a twinge of aridity and nostalgia. I digress over a season passed, a year forlorn, and a winter’s impending doom. A break in rushed routine and rest from summer ritual help stir the cauldron of life’s yearly stew and harkens me to a time of perpetual sunsets. The death of daylight yields to night’s blackening call earlier and earlier until night and day are synonymously the same.




It is a time of reckoning; a seasonal battle only the winter can win with autumn standing as the lonely compromise. I wait, every year, for this compromise and with its approach; I lay down my sword of scorn and reach for the safety of the season.




My love for autumn is unshared by all but unmistakably beautiful in the landscapes painted by the hand of Mother Nature. Her brilliant oranges, reds, yellows, and browns stain the horizon with the reminder of summer’s lost splendor and winter’s formidable call. The call, the formidable call of the wild, is the winter wind whipping a once resilient and temperate existence with earthen hibernation and decline. But for now I revel in a gentle glimpse of what will come and what will pass in due time.




For what we love is ours but for a mere moment in time; a progression of life ending with an internment of death. Regardless of life’s cruel cycle of events, I bask in the autumn glow like a scarecrow of everlasting exhilaration awaiting my next visitor, hay-filled arm extended, perch in full view, ready to relax and watch the season unfold. Just a thought!

Muppet Mania in America

I awoke this morning with a general sense of gleeful inactivity. I was gleeful because I knew it was Labor Day, the first Monday of September, and the most applicable day to avoid work all year. I could sleep in, lounge around, write a story, paint a picture, or simply think thoughts of happiness and tranquility. I could do many peaceful things that disregard work of any kind because my country, my beloved country, has declared today Labor Day; a day off for working citizens. Thanks America! You really know how to make me smile.




As all these thoughts were colliding in that big, beautiful, slightly askew, bald head of mine, I heard the faint and fairly audible laughter of an innocent adorable little girl which, ever so slightly, grew louder and louder until the noise coming from Haegan's room sounded like a fright train steaming past a F-5 tornado spinning off of Hurricane Earl somewhere near the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Scratching my head, I flopped onto the hardwood floor with the enthusiasm of the Democratic Party heading to the polls come November. Alas, I was on the clock and my gleeful scenarios were thwarted by a toddler who was up and at em before the sun erased all evidence of the falling moon.  Oh well, work would not be denied...on Labor Day…so Hi Ho, Hi Ho…you know the drill.




I used my first moments of Labor Day to think about all the national Holidays we celebrate in America. I call them national holidays because there are only six national holidays the private sector observes as a whole. They are New Years Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas respectively. These are the paid holidays I receive and I have learned to anticipate all six of them accordingly. Holidays are certainly welcomed additions to the calendar of life and lynch pins for increased retail sales nationwide. My lone question is simply this, why can’t we have one more national holiday in which to celebrate? One more holiday to let our hair down, grab our best gal, and “sash shay” down to the ole town square for a peppermint martini somewhat salted, a plate of smoked sausage doused with lemon juice, a large serving of macaroni and cheese, and a big, decorated sugar cookie with home-made yellow icing. You dig?




Currently, the average American worker is expected to work 50 weeks per year, five days per week (considering their employer gives them a minimum of two weeks of vacation). Doing the math, this worker logs 244 working days each year (250 less six national holidays) with a holiday rate of roughly one per every 41 days worked. That seems a little excessive. One more holiday would drop that number to one per every 35 days worked. (There now, that number seems a little more humane and attainable for everyone involved). One more national holiday would make a wonderful mid-term campaign promise and could possibly pick up a few independent voters who still have no idea what they stand for or why they plan to vote. It really is a win-win scenario. On one hand we get another holiday to celebrate and on the other, we give purpose to empty-headed political neophytes bent on grasping an issue, any issue, to bolster their independent status and contribution to the polls. So what shall we call this new national holiday?




Any holiday we create must be comprised of four essential parts. Part one is simple; it must be a day off from work. Parts two through four are as follows:

2. There must be a certain retail upside to the holiday.
3. There must be a parade televised nationally to highlight the Poughkeepsie High School Band’s rendition of Paul Whiteman’s Washboard Blues thus preempting a repeat of the Maury Povich Show.
4. There must be a sporting event of some kind linked to the holiday, i.e. Nathan’s hotdog eating contest held each July 4th in New York City.

Keeping in mind the four essential holiday parts necessary for the creation of a successful holiday, I purpose the following for your consideration:



Muppet Day
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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This article is about the holiday of Muppet Day in the United States. For other annual Muppet observances, see Muppette Day. For observances in Canada, see Muppett “A” Day.
Muppet Day is a United States national holiday observed on the first Tuesday in March. The holiday originated in 2008 as the Central Muppet Union (of New York City) sought to create "a day off for all Muppet friendly citizens".


Congress made Muppett Day a national holiday on February 3, 2012[1] two months after the Muppet Day Riots of 2011. All fifty states have made Muppet Day a state holiday.
Traditionally, Muppet Day is celebrated by most Americans as the symbolic end of the winter.
Muppet day fits the aforementioned criteria of a new holiday because:
1. All employees are off work.
2. Retail sales of muppet merchandise will triple current 1st quarter numbers and rival Christmas for the number one spot overall.
3. An Albuquerque, NM parade will be held where the Poughkeepsie High School Band can perform Paul Whiteman’s Washboard Blues for all 30 onlookers.
4. An annual seeded tournament of blindfolded cornhole will answer the question, once and for all, of who is the nations best blindfolded cornhole player.



How’s that for a national holiday America? It has all the fun, excitement, time off work, and muppets one could possibly image. All we need now is a commander-in-chief who will make it so, regardless of what the American public desires. Let the president represent us all, shouting from the rooftops, “Muppet Day will be celebrated whether you like it or not.” By the way, those who fail to observe the holiday will pay a hefty fine, businesses too!

Chant with me now…Mup-pet Day! Mup-pet Day! Mup-pet Day! Mup-pet Day!!! Just a thought.