My Fellow Americans

In college I majored in Integrated Strategic Communication (a fancy name for advertising) with a focus on marketing and political science. My life goal at the time was to take over the world by mastering the art of subliminal messages in political ads run during each election cycle. Instead of having messages approved by political parties, I figured a subliminal message at the end of each smear campaign commercial would convey the proper political message of the candidate in question. Consider the following two campaign ads:

Actual John McCain Ad

JOHN MCCAIN: Senator Obama, this is truly a good day for America.

Too often the achievements of our opponents go unnoticed. So I wanted to stop and say, congratulations.
How perfect that your nomination would come on this historic day. Tomorrow, we'll be back at it. But tonight Senator, job well done.

I'm John McCain and I approved this message.



Subliminal message I would hide in the ad would read as follows:

Since the Democratic Party had to nominate someone for president, I guess I’m fine with it being you, Mr. Obama. I can beat you much easier than I could have beaten Hillary so cheers to you and cheers to this great country of ours, the one I plan to rule in the next few months.

Actual Barrack Obama Ad

BO at town hall: We are a beacon of light around the world. At least that’s what we can be again. That’s what we should be again. BO in interview: The single most important national security threat that we face… BO VO:…is nuclear weapons falling into the hands of terrorists. BO VO: What I did was reach out to Senator Dick Lugar, a Republican, to help lock down loose nuclear weapons. BO in interview: We have to lead the entire world to reduce that threat. BO at town hall: We can restore America’s leadership in the world. BO VO: I’m Barack Obama, and I approve this message.





Subliminal Message I would hide in the ad would read as follows:

I’m hard on terrorism, you wait and see. I can be that guy or any guy you want me to be. I’ll tell you what. You tell me what you want me to be and I will be that. Strong on the economy, that’s me. Homeland security, me again. Strong on social matters, ahem (pointing at himself)…me me me. I’m everything to everyone. I can be you and you can be me…and we three can be…just wait and see.

Regardless of political party, I could sell my subliminal messages to the highest bidder and retire early with a fistful of private financing from a litany of politicians who would rather hide their actual beliefs than reveal them in public forum. Such is politics I guess but absent a total ban on subliminal messages, I feel this would be a wonderful venue for further research. Will someone pass the popcorn.





Subliminal Messages

While I look into the subliminal message ad agency venture, I thought I might offer my speech for president as an outline for what we should expect of our candidates running for the highest office in the land. This is not a speech of mass appeal but one of my values and what I would offer if elected president of this great land. It is meant to convey understanding, not confusion so as you read it, I hope you notice the small “gaping” differences.

Grant’s Abbreviated Speech for President

My fellow Americans, I am standing before you today amazed that I have made it this far in my campaign for president of The United States of America. I’m certain you are as well. Whew!!! (wiping my brow). My thoughts take me to George Washington and Abraham Lincoln and I wonder if they too were as amazed by their public prowess and general popularity as I am today. I am one election away from victory and I will make you this pledge; I will be honest with you in what I intend to do should you elect me president. Seriously! My policies are as follows:

Energy Policy

The number one issue in the United States today is how to eliminate our demand for foreign oil while providing our people with energy means for transportation, home heating, and other general necessities. Should I become president, I will employ the Pickens Plan, a plan to eliminate our addiction to foreign oil by drilling offshore, creating wind farms, harnessing solar and tidal energy, utilizing CNP, LP, and other natural gas alternatives. I will invest in ethanol technologies and employ as many scientists as necessary to identify the next logical solution to the oil crises we all face. My goal is to give the American people their security back whether through wind farms or corn fields while concurrently telling the Middle East to learn Chinese (Foreign policy).

We will do whatever it takes to lower energy prices at home through the acquisition of new technologies. This, in turn, will lower commodity prices across the entire economic landscape in this county. I am not concerned with global warming, however, so carbon emissions will not factor into the energy equation. If you want global warming policy, vote for my opponent. If you want affordable energy, vote for me.
The Pickens Energy Plan

Healthcare Policy

The United States healthcare system is the best in the world. I do not subscribe to universal healthcare because I believe that under our current system, those who aspire to have healthcare have it and those who don’t, don’t. Private healthcare creates an environment of excellence in the field that would degrade under a universal plan of healthcare bent on providing private health benefits to every man woman and child in this country. Those who want healthcare will make its acquisition a reality while those who don’t will be left reaping the rewards of their ill-thought out decision. Those who have welfare, however, will receive healthcare through my social welfare plan. I call my plan Empowerment Healthcare while my opponent’s plan should be aptly named Entitlement Healthcare.

Social Welfare Policy

As a nation, we have a responsibility to take care of the less fortunate. As a prosperous nation, however, we should demand accountability in our welfare policy and eliminate unnecessary provisions dealt to idle citizens of this country. My welfare policy will amend the current sit-at-home welfare philosophy with a back to work mentality. Effective immediately with a Frame presidency, anyone on any type of welfare will be assigned a governmental job. The job assignment will be both fitting in duties and responsibilities and pay will be in the form of a paycheck. If the United States has to pay for your food and housing, you are essentially in the employment of the United States and will perform said duties just as if you were in the private sector. For example, we will no longer hire outside contractors to perform duties that we can self perform with our current manpower force of welfare recipients. If you have children, you will be assigned to a welfare daycare (someone also on welfare) to care for you children while you go to work. All welfare recipients will receive the same healthcare as all governmental employees receive. Your incentive to get off welfare is the freedom to perform a job of your choosing, but make no mistake, you will have a job if you are on welfare.

Abortion Policy

I will do everything in my power to overturn Roe V. Wade by appointing Supreme Court justices who have similar philosophies. I subscribe to a policy of protecting innocent life at all costs and I believe unequivocally that life begins at conception.

Immigration Policy

Our nation is great because of immigrants. Let’s be honest, without immigrants, the U.S. would not be the melting pot of ideas and prosperity that it is today. As a nation, however, we need succinct policy to end the steady stream of illegal Mexican nationals into America. Why? Because they are not Americans and quite frankly, we don’t have the resources to support them. I support immigration through legal means, I do not support illegal immigration.

Foreign Policy including Iraq

If we didn’t have a duty to serve as the world’s policeman, I might be inclined to adopt a policy of seclusion. Since that is impossible, let’s finish our business in Iraq and come home. At this point, does it matter why we are there and for what reasons. As commander and chief, I will assume my predecessor had honest intentions when he overthrew a tyrannical ruler and ended a reign or terror. If we are there for oil, my energy plan will eliminate our need for it, if we are there for peace keeping, Iraq’s Army should make way for our departure, and if we are there for weapons of mass destruction, I am certain we can find some in Pakistan, Iran, and North Korea. But make no mistake, our military is in the business of protecting our homeland and our interests abroad and under my command we will continue in that fashion.

Global Warming Policy

When a scientist can prove conclusively that global warming is the byproduct of carbon emissions and not cyclical climate change I will adopt a policy to eliminate global warming through carbon emissions. It is my hope, however, that through our energy research, we find a clean energy. Even though I do not support global warming hysterics, I do support clean energy alternatives because they are environmentally friendly and will end our foreign oil dependence.

These are just a few of my policies. If you like what I have laid forth, I would appreciate your vote. If, after reviewing my policies, you feel you cannot vote for me, I understand. Regardless of perspective, you know where I stand and what I believe. (Speech ends, back to reality)

Wouldn’t that be great America? A politician who told you how he / she felt about real issues facing us all. Regardless of political persuasion, I would love to get an answer to a question without spin, a policy debate without side steps, and politicians with real words and real ideas whether I agree with them or not. Tell me what you’re going to do and let me decide if I want to vote for you. Anything but the current environment of negative ads intended to confuse all the issues for the sole purpose of obtaining the presidency.

Maybe my subliminal message ad agency will work after all. Here’s hoping it will. Just a thought.