In Inches and Milestones

Raising children, it seems, is a series of milestones, set up in a linear fashion so the parent can adequately gauge their parenting progress in relationship with the children they raise. That said, it struck me deeply when my eldest daughter went to kindergarten that these days don't last for long and oh how we miss them when they are gone.

As I watched my wife wipe her tear stained face moments before my daughter entered the rear entrance of the school I realized that we had reached yet another milestone and from here there would be many more to come…some happy, some sad. At the ripe old age of 10, we are starring down the barrel of a loaded gun. Did I say we, well I meant the gentlemen callers who will one day appear on my door step…but I digress.

These feelings have come back recently as we have been blessed with another daughter in which to rear roughly 10 years the junior of her sister. Perhaps it will be harder, as it always is, when you know the outcome prior to the event (think about the second time you have to get a cavity filled) but nevertheless I am prepared with the knowledge that with every milestone we reach, we will choke back the tears and graduate to the next first step, lost tooth, first day of school, etc. In the end, our milestones are just progressions of life; all of which can be charted with children's programming on local cable networks.

My rankings are as follows:

Age 2 – 3

Barney the Dinosaur seems to be the most popular cartoon character for the 2-3 year-old set. Don't ask me why but a giant purple dinosaur should scare the bejeebers out of most children yet they sing along with the giant purple people eater crooning themes of cleaning and just being happy all the time. I like Barney but only when he is singing about cleaning. The happiness stuff I can do without. Nevertheless, my angel is only two during the Barney phase and still the picture of innocence.





Age 3 – 4

Mail's here or at least that is what Steve's mailbox used to shout. Now it is Joe, I think and the rest of the gang on Blue's Clues that excite most all three to four year olds. I still like Steve better than Joe but regardless of the host, Blue is the same ole Blue and always has a puzzle to solve with clues placed right around each corner. For what ever reason, this never gets old especially for the youngsters.





Age 4 – 5

Dora the Explorer seems to hit right after Blue's Clues and I must be frank, I have a small problem with teaching our children Spanish when half of them have problems mastering English. Politics aside, however, I still find myself uttering the phase "Swiper, No Swiping." Dora and the gang, boots included (he is my favorite) do their best to introduce a foreign language to our children while trekking through the Argentinean wilderness. Backpack, backpack…I left mine at home, but let me go get it on my way to Kindergarten. Where does the time go?





Age 5 – 6

I was a little confused when I tuned into Arthur the Aardvark on PBS for the first time. My first question was something like, "Who is that little boy with glasses?" "He's a what…an aardvark!" My first thought was I'm paying for cable and we're watching PBS. There is some irony in there somewhere. Arthur teaches valuable life lessons to all the other animals at school as a moral, taking-the-high-road, kind of kiddo. Arthur is also the beginning of the end for childhood cartoons as what comes next is the dreaded Disney Channel and constant struggles for adult TV time.





Age 6-8

I remember Raven Simone when she was a cute little girl watching Barney on the Cosby Show. Imagine my shock when I tuned in for the first time to find my eight-year-old singing Raven tunes while watching That's So Raven (note to self, Raven is synonymous with cool??). She explained to me that Raven sees the future and tries to get one up on her little brother while going to school. Kind of a youthful version of the Sixth Sense yet Raven, we find out in the end, is very, very much alive. Move over Zach Morris, Raven is the new cool kid, with ESP to boot. She is also a precursor to the tween milestone and the end of TV innocence.





Age 8-?

The first time I heard the words Hannah Montana, I was unimpressed. When I found out Billy Ray Cyrus was back I was even less impressed. When my wife and I spent the better part of last year begging for concert tickets to a show neither of us wanted to attend, that sold out in 3 seconds, I began to feel the gravity of the situation I was facing. And I knew another milestone was looming. Hannah Montana is the end. There I said it. Hannah Montana is adult programming for children. It is high school problems, super star status, and peer pressure troubles and the kids love it. I kind of like it too. What I don't like is looking over at my daughter and wondering where Barney went…where Blues went, where Dora went (dedonde esta Dora) where Arthur went, and where Raven went (How could anyone loose Raven?) Pretty soon, I will wonder where Hannah went and it won't be because she was cancelled. It will be because my little girl will have reached yet another milestone and one less chapter will be left in her childhood and my parenthood.





I guess there will always be another Hannah Montana but childhoods are only reviewable in reverse. I know now why my wife cries over milestones, especially when my heart breaks over Hannah Montana and I chart our progress like I chart their growth on the wall…in inches and milestones. At least our youngest is still a baby...for now anyway. Just a thought.