Sunshine and Sidewalks

Everyday, after work, my oldest daughter and I will take a walk and reflect on the events of the day. We walk because we have to, we talk, I supposed, because we want to, all the while, Sampson, our 100 pound Boxer paces gingerly around the block. Our talks have become one of my favorite moments because it allows me to see inside the mind of a 10 year-old girl, a place, even in my youth, I could not identify.

Our talks range in topic as routine as the daily grind and as technical as the effects of the invisible hand on a free market economy. We discuss politics, religion, life and death, and homework, whatever topic seems to lend itself to the sunshine and sidewalks we encounter while trekking in through our small place in the world. When the sidewalk ends, we check our conversations at the door much like a coat at a fancy restaurant. If there is further discussion, it is understood that it will be revisited the following evening.

In order to bridge the gap between a 30 something father and a 10-year-old daughter, especially when we venture into the realm of the more difficult topics, I have found it necessary to use analogies. Analogies allow me to explain advanced topics and reach understanding in areas that for the most part would go unsaid otherwise. Here are a few of my favorites:

Parenting is like coaching. If you don’t follow the coach’s rules, philosophies, and directions, you will probably end up sitting on the bench. It is a parent’s responsibility to be a good coach for their children. Therefore, if you don’t perform your home responsibilities well and right the first time, you probably won’t be going over to little Jenny’s house after school. Just like a coach is responsible for the team, I am responsible for you. Your success is my success. Parenting is like coaching.

We have a piggy bank at home that counts the change as it goes into the bank. It really is a neat little device. Each and every coin deposited adds to the total and it has become fun to discuss how we will spend the contents. Life is kind of like this little piggy bank. The more you put into your life, the daily smiles, the good attitudes, the hard work at school all add to the value of your life. All of life’s enriching experiences add to your ability to affect good in others and their opinions of you. But be careful not to break the bank too soon as you will not have enough capital to reach your original goals. Life is like a piggy bank.

Republicans and Democrats are like two of your friends who don’t like each other. Both want you to like them the best and they may even ask you to choose sides from time to time. You like both friends for different reasons and you are not willing to give up either friendship. At the end of the day, both children are still you friends even though they do not get along with each other. Republicans and Democrats are like two of your friends who don’t like each other. Their also both Americans.

It is hard to remember them all and honestly, some work better than others. What is important, however, is that you teach your children subject matter that is relevant in the world today in a manner in which they can understand. This is as good for the child as it is for the parent. It is my sincere hope that when my children are raised, they will remember our talks when alcohol is offered at a party or when a lit cigarette is passed their way. They might drawl on an analogy or a simple conversation and make the choice to “get back on defense.”

When my daughter was much younger we would recite the following poem each night at bedtime. I still know it by heart:

Where the Sidewalk Ends

Shel Silverstein

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

What a wonderful analogy for life and death. The world is full of great analogies if you just take the time to look and listen…most of the time…to a child on a walk after work while toting a 100 pound beast peeing on every tree, bush, or shrub we so eloquently pass. Just a thought.